Sunday, April 10, 2005

 

"Weirdoes Run Amok" Award Goes to Tom DeLay

It was a week for freak shows, but Delay's Confronting the Judicial War on Faith Conference wins the "Weirdoes Run Amok' award. The leaders of this conference are the biggest group of screw balls ever to gather in one place. But before we get into that, let's pay homage to the runner-ups in this past week's many freak show festivals.

!st Runner Up is Pass the Pope on a Plank

The Pope's funeral began to take on a carnival atmosphere several days after they continued to show the Pope's corpse adorned with pointy red shoes. But the mourning took a downward turn when it was announced that Cardinal "Molester Protector" Law would officiate.
This prompted victims of Priest molestation to gather in protest.

Other strangeness surrounded this protracted funeral, including Clinton's proclamation that "The Pope sure knows how to draw a crowd!" Sure, Bill was referring to the Pope's ability to draw a crowd when he was alive, but Bill should know better than to bandy these comments around! Booing of Bush added to the carnival quality of the funeral.

Photos of Bush and Laura smooching amongst the mourners were almost too much to bear. I guess Bush was feeling frisky since the Pope's funeral was one of the "highlights of his presidency!" Of course Bush may have been trying to show Chirac that he didn't care if Chirac slobbered on his Condi's, hand. This is the second time Chirac has slobbered on one of Bush's main squeezes. Last year he smooched Laura. It must be some sort of psychop technique Chirac uses. All of this combined plus the millions of attendees and the non-stop media coverage turned a funeral to honor the Pope into a steady stream of freaky faux pas.


2nd Runner Up Award is Tied! Royal Wedding vs. Wal-Mart Wedding

Local Austin news stations aired a wedding in New York that was held in a Wal-Mart. A Texas man met his bride online and flew to New York to marry her. She had not informed him that they were getting married at Wal-Mart. It turns out that she and all of her best friends work at Wal-Mart, but her friends were not allowed the day off to attend her wedding. So instead of being pissed at Wal-Mart, she held her wedding there. She said that Wal-Mart was a great place to get married and after the wedding you can do some fine shopping.

The Royal wedding had stiff competition with the Wal-Mart wedding but Camilla Parker Bowles was not to be outdone by the boxy Wal-Mart bride. Camilla, who is already portrayed as looking like a horse, showed up to her wedding with a hat crafted of straw and feathers. If I were her I would have played down the barnyard theme. Fashionistas were kind, saying the plume of feathers popping from her head "elongated' her neck. In reality, it looked like a chicken was roosting on Camilla's head.

3rd Runner Up is Gannon Gang Bang at National Presstitute Club

The press reached an all time low when they invited ex-gay male prostitute and plagiarism expert, Jeff Gannon, to be on their panel for the National Press Club meeting. Sure, they thought they would kick his ass by bombarding him with questions regarding his ill-gained White House access. Audience members hollered out "Did you sleep with Scott McClellan?" Wayne Madsen questioned him about his illegal former career as a gay male prostitute. All in all, Gannon's invitation only confirmed that the National Press Club is guilty of being media whores.

Grand Prize Winner for the Weirdoes' Run Amok award goes to Tom DeLay and the Confronting the Judicial War on Faith Conference

The speakers at this conference were a who's who list of freaks.

The conference opened with Rabbi Yehunda Levin. Rabbi Levin lends his wisdom to groups with talks like Jew Jitsu, which trains conservatives on how to confront the "hostile liberal media." Another fave of Rabbi Levin's is his speech A Silver Lining in the Priest Molestation Scandal. If he wasn't so busy with the "weirdoes run amok" meeting he could have handed out fliers of this speech to the Molester Protector protesters at the Pass the Pope on a Plank festival.

Dr. Sam Jahani was also on hand for opening remarks. Pretty good gig for a guy that was sued by the Justice Department for defrauding the federal government of millions dollars in false Medicare claims. The lawsuit was first filed by the law firm Phillip and Cohen on behalf of a whistleblower who worked for the Dallas based IHS hospital chain. Jahani was named in the lawsuit for admitting patients who were not sick into the long-term care units of IHS and falsely billing Medicare for their treatments which included trips to malls and restaurants. Mall trips were billed to Medicare as "recreational therapy." The law firm, Phillip and Cohen, has won millions in settlements in whistleblower cases including 723 million from Frist's HCA hospital chain. No wonder Frist and Jahani have formed a Judiciary Jihad!

Don Feder was another speaker at the conference. On his website he brags that his politics make Attila look like a liberal. He claims Terri Schiavo was killed by conservative political eunuchs. Feder spent 19 years as a syndicated columnist for the Boston Herald. The Boston Herald just fired one of their op-ed columnists for taking Republican payola to write positive stories about Governor Romney.

Richard Lessner was a speaker in the seminar called Remedies to Judicial Tyranny. According to Lessner, Frist will be "a dead Presidential wannabe" unless he ensures Bush's judicial nominees are confirmed. This is one more reason to pray that Bushes judicial nominees are tossed out on their heads. As reported by Raw Story, during this seminar Edwin Vieira said the bottom line when confronting these judges was to employ a Stalin technique; No man, no problem.

Manny Miranda served on the conferences Mobilizing the Grassroots committee. Miranda was Frist's former counsel, but he quit after he was implicated in leaking Democrats' memos on judicial nominees. The memos were obtained by someone hacking the Democrats' computers. Kay Daly was also implicated in Hackergate and now she is on the Grassroots committee for wrecking the judicial branch of government. Looks like Kay and Manny are practicing Rovian techniques. Between Frist and Mel Martinez, there are plenty of memo scandals to go around.

DeLay skipped out on the Weirdoes Run Amok award winning meeting to attend the Pass the Pope on a Plank festival. This did not stop him from videotaping a speech for the conference and reaffirming that he just does not know when to shut the F #$% up!
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